Joanna and Edd split SHOCK

It is with alarm and dismay that we report to you the SPLIT of Joanna and Edd.

Joanna continues to be a dutiful wife, washing clothes and watching the path for her husbands return whilst Edd:

Enjoys his freedom
Gallivants in foreign climes
Spends thousands! on Coke
Gambles thousands! on a single pool game
Enjoys all a foreign country has to offer
does things he would not be allowed to do if his wife was present.
AND gets propositioned by prostitutes (unfortunately, not like Leonardo di Caprio in ‘Blood Diamond’. When they say ‘Do you have company?’ he says ‘maybe tomorrow’. Edd just shrieked and ran away.)

On arriving back in Nairobi from Kibwezi, Edd who has been married to the beautiful Joanna for FIVE years immediately deserted her for the salacious Range Rover, K988 6FQ. Joanna’s only fault was not to be a broken down car in a foreign country.

It all started when the car would not start when on a trip to the Carnivore, that temple to greed and, erm, meat, and general debauchery. Even though the lovely Joanna was present on that trip she would not have expected what was soon to follow.

The Right Rev James ‘Burgers’ May subsequently took the car to Tanzania for a ‘teaching trip’. But this was just a shallow disguise. Soon, to their ‘horror’ oil, water and diesel started belching from the exhaust. The car just wouldn’t start and was abandoned in Arusha. On returning to Kenya the temptation started immediately with Rev Burgers May saying ‘lets go fix the car, it’s only the head gasket, how hard can it be’ (the answer, they were soon to find out, was ‘very’). Rev Burgers May is American, but if he were English such perfidy would be shocking. Unfortunately Edward in his innocence fell for this hook line and sinker. Instead of spending time with his wonderful and dutiful wife he decided to chase after a floozy, K988 6FQ, and spend his time playing with bolts as opposed to admiring the knitting.

To retain the anonymity of all concerned the number plate has been made up.