Tanzania (and why 4x4s are great)

This week saw us heading to Tanzania to have the engine of the Lutheran Heritage Foundation’s beautiful Range Rover ‘KAD 883X’  overhauled, and in the process we learnt a new acronym – ‘TIT’ – or ‘This is Tanzania’ (it is slightly more specific than ‘This is Africa’, and coincidentally it can be also used as a swear word). It is incredibly apt, as you shall find out.

So we found ourselves driving down from Nairobi along a road which is being resurfaced. What this means is that we had to drive along a dirt track to the side of what looked to be a perfectly serviceable road. Brilliantly, being in a marvellous and robust piece of British hardware, we were able to rattle along these tracks, overtaking matatus as well as poncy two wheel drives with ease.

And when we say rattle we mean rattle. Having done 260,000 km KAD 883X squeaks and rattles from every available joint and surface, making shouting obligatory. So a sigh of relief was breathed each time we went from dirt track to tarmac (except by Edd - driving and hugely enjoying the bumps).

We entered Tanzania, almost immediately to be flagged down by a policeman – who fortunately only wanted us to give his policeman buddy a lift. And then, to our horror, when we went from the next bit of dirt track to tarmac the rattling continued! We had a puncture – the mother of all punctures. TIT!!! Fortunately, our new policeman friend saved the day and changed the tyre, but only after roundly cursing the owner for having a jack that was too small (it turned out it screws as well as pumps - duh).

(As an aside, not all 4x4s are born equal. You are as well pissing in the wind as driving a Chelsea tractor such as a Porsche Cayenne or Toyota Rav 4 under these circumstances.)

Fortunately we eventually arrived in Arusha and dropped the car off with Mr Osoki, the pedestrian hating super mechanic (he is great, and will try to run over and then stop and shout at random pedestrians, whether in the road or on the pavement – ‘get out of the f#@ing way and get a f#@ing job, you lazy b!#@%£d’).  So a few days were spent hanging around the garage (else nothing got done), and then we went on Safari to Lake Manyara.

Lake Manyara is famous for tree climbing lions (we didn’t see any) and its hordes of leopards (err, we didn’t see any). Nevertheless, it is a groundwater forest (we don’t know what that is either… and we’ve been there), very beautiful, and has lots of funky birds, antelope and loads and loads of monkeys.

Sounds too easy right? This is Tanzania remember… Well, the night before we had gone for a drink with some German friends of Kadeghe (our Maasai friend who had accompanied us on our jaunt).  And so at 6am our safari van turns up (a Land Cruiser – acceptable), but no Kedeghe. His key is behind reception! Is he lying dead in a ditch somewhere? TIT.

It turns out that the very drunk bar lady was very impressed with the Germans as they spoke very good Swahili, and so unbeknownst to us she invited them back to her house to carry on drinking – and Kadeghe being a gentleman accompanied them to ensure they were okay.  However they decided to party till 6 am and we had just given up waiting for Kadeghe when he turned up at the hotel. Panic over.  Later in the day, Kadeghe complained of a head ache so we gave him one of our stash of Ibuprofen. Brilliantly no one had ever told him that you swallow pills whole. Revenge… is… sweet…

The car was ready a little earlier than planned which meant we got a day spare. We visited Arusha National park. This is home to Mt Meru, the fifth highest peak in Africa and apparently a more enjoyable climb than Kili (noticing a theme yet?). Tying with Mt Kenya, the park is the most  beautiful we have yet visited in Africa, situated in the foothills of Mt Meru and with Kili visible in the east - the summit of which was still 4.5km above us. Although Lake Baringo was pretty cool, and…

 

Wildlife wise, Arusha NP is best known for its birdlife and monkeys (ohhhh, I really, really want a monkey now) but has no big predators (other than leopards, which I strongly believe can turn invisible – so we didn’t see any). The landscape is a profusion of craters and alkaline lakes, and alkaline lakes mean flamingos, a beautiful bird Edd is allowed to gawp at…

 

What, I hear you say, no TIT? Well, as the staff at the national park steal any money which passes through their hands, you pay your entrance fees for the park direct to the bank, who load it onto a card, which you then need for admission. Sounds sensible except the banks do not (or more likely will not) sell them for Arusha NP. The problem being that Arusha NP, tourist information, and the guidebook think they do. A happy hour or two was spent shuttling between tourist information and various banks (Jo, by the way, is getting more patient. She was only ‘simmering’ angry) with no success. Eventually we were told we could pay by visa debit card if we wished. Argggh. TIT!

Anyway lets not leave it on that note. Tanzania was great and we are looking forward to another visit in the near future.

That’s all for now, for tomorrow we are off to Kisii.